Nothing good comes easy, and the best revenge is success ....

Ah, to paraphrase the eccentric Mr Tyson.

I was going to have a little moan about how I hate being in a position where I'm not financially sound. I always seem to be skint; and I was about to have a little moan, but then I though; most of the people that I know are in the same boat; aside from my brother, who today won £200.00 on a scratch card! It's Christmas! Most people are struggling! I keep saying to myself, "when I'm qualified as a deck officer, I'll be able to save loads" -and I guess that I will; I'll be away working; not spending. I'm very fortunate to have what I do have aren't I?  So many wasted opportunities, and here I am now; back at college; not having to work, or go hungry, and surrounded by a family that loves me; awaiting my results, and then; the dream awaits.  Other people are not so fortunate; so I really can't moan about having to live off £60.00 per week. It's a challenge that I sort of enjoy; and what with ALDI, it's perfectly achievable! When I start my cadet training, I'll be on a skeleton budget! Hopefully by the time I'm on my first ship as an officer; I'll be well and truly appreciative of the salary; and put it to good use. I'm sure I will.

I'm loving walking Guinness (My dog) at the moment. I seem to be walking her longer and longer every time I go out; maybe it's because subconsciously I know my time with her is short; but I know she'll be okay and I'll still be able to see her after I've left. Today I walked her up Bidston Hill; and had a mooch around the sights; seen the 1000AD Norse carving; had a look around the observatory, and the lighthouse; the latter abandoned; the principal currently occupied by someone for low rent (lucky sod) in exchange for security - when I got back I did a little reading about them; both currently up for sale; which is sad; I hope the buyers have the heritage of them in mind. I also spent a great deal of time reading up on the Bidston Hill tunnels; which have now, unfortunately been well and truly sealed up by the council. Apparently, there was a canteen down there, 2,000+ iron beds, toilets, and an arms store; I think it was part of the planning for if Germany invaded. I would have loved to have had a look down there; it's quite a grey area really, not much in any records! Some cretin, on an internet forum even said that there's a house by the observatory; and there's a lift or something that goes underground, and there's two armed guards waiting at the bottom; near a big iron door making sure people don't get in. But, what's in there!???

I'm happy to be where I'm at.

My blog stats, Christmas, and being a loner.

I've been writing this blog for a while now, and it's not really something that I publicise much. Occasionally I will post it on my Facebook page; and occasionally I will put it on my twitter page. This generally depends on the subject. If I'm ranting about something I despise; then I might share it. Not as a general rule though; because I don't hand on heart believe that there's that many people interested in the trials and tribulations of Daniel  Bibby. I never knew there was a stats section, and I've just been looking at it now; This is my all time stats up until the point of me posting this:

United Kingdom 625 United States 95 Russia 67 Romania 54 Germany 17 Singapore 3 Canada 2 China 2 Greece 1 Ukraine 1 I'm not entirely sure how accurate they are, and if there's actually people in Romania, Russia or U.S.A who read all this drivel that I come out with, but on the off-chance that there are people in the aforementioned places: Many thanks, and I'm sincerely humbled by your interest. I don't personally know anyone in any other countries; that I know of off the top of my head. I know it's hardly a viral internet sensation, but it is nice to know that people read this, considering it's just something I do for personal reference, and I seldom "share" it.  In other news, I am happy to see the back of the festive season. Before it all started; I was steadfast that I wouldn't get involved with the seasonal crapulence; but just decided "if you can't beat them, join them" - highlights of the whole shi' bang was probably yesterday; Emma my ex partner (Mother of Evie) took me out for the day to Liverpool. Had a truly amazing meal at Bem Brasil in Liverpool. I walked past there after my Merchant Navy interview; and I had a little nose in; and thought it looked like a nice place to go; then after hearing from a friend that it was an "all you can eat" steak place, decided that I wanted to go there. Out of the blue, Emma asked me if I wanted to go for something to eat; which was quite surprising, after trying to go the red hot buffet, and nando's- I suggested Bem Brasil; I also suggested it in text, and on the way over on the bus, and walking up to Liverpool one, and  I was told to fuck off. Anyone reading this in Merseyside; I can't put into words how nice this place is; the service is great, and the food is even better. Click the link, and have a look. It's expensive, but if you go in the day time, it's 12.50 in the week; which considering the quality of the food; is realy value for money. It shits all over RedHot buffet. There's basically a buffet; with an array of delicious brazilian food, chickpeas, cous cous, salad, and a BBQ ribs(Amazing), and you have a disc on your table; one side is red, and the other side is green; green means that you want meat. My disc was on the green side for a majority of the time I spent there. The waiters bring around different steaks and you can eat as much of it as you want. Go there. You will not be disappointed. So I've probably put about a stone and a half on! I can't change it, but I can know that with my new years resolutions in place I am not too worried about it, because I know that come summer time, I will be down to my target weight of 15 stone. The next time I go to bem brasil will be with my family; if I can drag them over; before I head to Southampton to begin my Merchant Navy career. September can't come soon enough for me. Time to press play, and continue reading    I have realized over the past few weeks that it's time for me to move on from this place. I'm socially isolated; it'll be good for me to be surrounded by some like-minded people. I spoke to one friend prior to Christmas; and said I was going to save some money to go out with him; and asked him to give me a ring; it's now the 28th, and still no word; I even sent his G.F a message on facebook; and that fell on deaf ears. Fuck it. I seen the people that mattered.  Aside from my GCSE maths exam entrance being paid by my Nan, and Parents; I didn't actually get any presents. Okay, I'm not interested in Christmas; and 95% of me doesn't care; but there's that 5% that wonders why, and how. I was watching Evie on the carousel after the meal yesterday; and was actually welling up! Emma noticed, but didn't say anything; as I told her about it on the way back, and she said she spotted me, but didn't want to say anything.  She said "Now you're realizing being a bastard gets you nowhere" -  I would say that I am  a bastard; I hold grudges- but who isn't a bastard?  Sooner or later people will shit on you. So maybe keeping people at arms length is for the best? People grow, people move out, people move away, people move on. I know I can be a hard person to socialize with; but if you can break down my walls of cynicism, and hatred for everything; there's a nice guy in there somewhere.

friend

Grr

Have film makers just given up with titles now? I mean; when I first heard of "Snakes on a Plane"- I thought that that could have been an indication of what was to come. Then there was "Bulletproof Monk" - Jesus H Christ; those creative bastards. Why I am bothered; I know not; but I do get a little enjoyment from my own personal social commentaries. So, the two films that are currently advertised on my bus route are "Ghost Protocol" and "The girl with the dragon tattoo" - I am of course as we speak writing this blog, while "Bad Santa" is on, heh.... Firstly, "Ghost Protocol" - I don't even have to watch it, or do any research into the film to know that it's aimed at the same shower of ball-bags that get off on flash-bang-no meaning piles of horse shit such as "The Fast and Furious" and all the associated films. "The girl with the dragon tattoo" I must digress here.  "Bad Santa has come up trumps. "Fuck stick" - Kill me now.  Oh wait. Adverts....Oh look...a new film out, called "Goon" or "The Goon" - I'm that unobservant towards adverts, that I've actually forgotten, and it was only seconds ago; that; or I've serious cognitive problems. "It all starts with a window's 7 PC" - yeah, and it probably ends with you throwing it in a bin after a years use.  Back on the subject of films.... Have you seen the film "Transporter"? I have. I was thinking the other day "how in God's name; did Jason Statham actually land a role in a film; considering he has the acting ability of a cricket bat. Then I found out that they'd made a second, and third film as an annex to the original transporter. I only watched the first one all the way through; because I thought it was a black comedy.

Resolutions, plans and reviews.

About the only redeeming feature about this time of year, is the resolutions. I enjoy them the most. Everything else gets on my tits. Jarg sincerity, and being compelled to buy buy buy! Fuck off!

  So firstly, I'll review my resolutions of 2011.

*Find a paid job (This is my 2nd year of being unemployed!)

Granted, it wasn't a permanent job; but it did get me some up to date experience; and ended just in time for me to start college.  I also left the job with no bad feelings, which was refreshing.  

Resolution kept!

*Move out of the house I currently live in; already the ball is rolling; I've just got off the telephone with the environmental health. I have mold growing on my walls as a result of my landlords negligence.

Resolution kept!

*Read twice as many books as I did last year (roughly about 20 then)

Fell short on this one, but I'm not too bothered really. 

Resolution NOT kept!

*Lose three stone by summer. (Taking my grand total to 9 stone lost)
Resolution kept! 

*Get on track for a long term career. 
Been offered a deck cadetship in 2012! Resolution kept!  This is the one I am most happy about, obviously!

*Try and learn French

I did attend a beginners class; but didn't really learn much- so this was sort of half kept. 

4 & 1/2 out of 5 Ain't bad. Ain't bad at all.

So, 2012 is looming, and I'm going to be setting myself some pretty ambitious resolutions, they all sort of tie in towards my main goal. 

1) Most importantly, I need to pass my GCSE's to take up my conditional offer for my cadet-ship. So this is resolution number one. 

2) Slightly more in the weight-loss department. When I start maritime college in September. I want to be 15 stone; which is my target weight for august.  This is also something that must be done, in order to begin my cadetship; I need to get my BMI down. 

3) This sort of ties in with 1 and 2 essentially. I'm going to give up alcohol until I've received all my exam results. I cut down on drinking in 2011 considerably; went 30 days without on a few occasions and I'd like to go through the first half of 2012 booze free. It will only interfere with the above resolutions. 

4) I'm going to ride 6000+ miles on my bike and use my Endomondo App to record it all. 

5) Well, I haven't really thought of a fifth one, but I figured I'd do another one because I made 5 last year....I'm going to try and be a better father. 

So, I'm looking forward to getting this festive season out of the way. Enjoy my self, and then press on; hopefully all my resolutions will be realized by August time. 

. . . Ah, but I may as well try and catch the wind. . . 

I realize I've been very vague recently. All me me, I, I.

I assure you, I'll be back someday, soon, you will see.

I know you're careful. Cause I've been burned before, and I know how it makes you careful....

Right, I've had a good week to digest my good news. I've been feeling so under pressure since I got the news if I'm honest. I guess I thought the pressure would be off, being offered the position, but if anything; it's put more pressure on me, how I deal with it is a pretty significant deal breaker pertaining to my future. It's in my hands. I need to get a B in GCSE maths. I have a lot to do. I also need C's in my other subjects, but I'm pretty confident I can put them on the back burner and still get the required grades.  Christmas is pretty much sorted. I'm limiting my drinking over Christmas. If I drink; it's a few hours wasted that I could have spent going through maths stuff. I'm aiming for an A. I'm going to spend the next 6 weeks learning all the C/D grade shit ( I know most of it, but I want to be as sharp as possible) then start with the B grade stuff, and lastly A grade stuff, then just keep doing practice paper after practice paper, up until June. My maths tutor is very supportive, and he thinks it's achievable. So now I need to not think about failure. I need to get off facebook, and pull my finger out!

I'm still single, and I guess I'm in need of some affection. I keep having this utopian dream...everything is great; and then I wake up feeling repulsive. I'd usually be out getting completely rat arsed, on a bender, drowning my sorrows; but this time I'm keeping it together. I've realized that's not the thing to do. I have been out since we broke up, and got drunk, but I always knew what was going on.  Granted, I'm still not completely out of the relationship, I still live with her; I guess when I eventually fly this nest, I'll have more emotions to deal with; another test for me. I've got two nights out planned over the festive season; I'm going out with people from college, and I'm going out with my brother. I know in her head; I'm going to meet up with X,Y,Z and have all sorts of sexy time- on the contrary.  My confidence for that sort of thing is non existent anyway. As far as finding someone else goes, the white flag is already raised...the towel thrown in. Where would I start? My social circle is non-existent. If I go out, it's to arm pit pubs. Dating sites; the wrong kind of people- Morons. I'm ugly, it's just a fact- how I feel daily.  I want to concentrate on my career anyway. I miss being in love and all that goes with it.   If I can come out of all this, with my grades, down to my target weight of 14 stone; I will seriously be pleased with myself, and hopefully that side of my life will be rekindled.  For now it's fuckin' Stalingrad baby!!!

A load off.

It still hasn't sank in yet; but anyway; I've been accepted for a deck cadet-ship next September. Finally after what seems like an eternity of trying, I have something concrete, to actually work towards. There are a two barriers still standing in the way:- I need to pass my GCSE's- C or above in them all; and I specifically need a B in Maths. So the pressure isn't off . . .far from it. I'm pretty dire at Maths; but I have from now, until June to get myself ready for the exam. I'm a considerable step closer to my dream of becoming a mariner! I think if I pull my finger out; it's achievable! I also need to sort my BMI out; and I have every confidence that it will be fine by the time I have me medical!
Everything else going on my life at the moment seems to be diluted thanks to my good news.  I look forward to what 2012 has to offer me!

We're on the eve of destruction

One more sleep til' my first assessment day for a deck cadetship. I've prepared as best as I can. There's little more I can do . . well, maybe have a look at some algebra later, because I am utterly hopeless when it comes to maths. I'm hoping that it's a level 2 numeracy test; because if it's anything higher, I am going to fail it. I just hope, if explain to them, they'll let me retry again in 6 months; when I'll hopefully be up to speed. I'm half shitting myself half looking forward to it; which I think is about right really. I'm looking forward to it, because I know what's at stake, should I pass it- one step closer to fulfilling a dream, and getting the life I want. If I don't get in; I face the daunting prospect of a third failed interview; I've not gotten other jobs in the past, but I haven't really been arsed about those jobs. My first and second RFA interviews really hit me where it hurts.  Everything else in my life is on the back burner at the moment.